Introduction For Non-Enthusiasts
What we're talking about
This site is about people who have an intense interest in spanking, the act in which one person repeatedly strikes another person's bottom.
We hope that as you explore this site, you will learn why this interest is so significant to us. If someone in your life shared this site with you, we want to help you understand them and become a safe person for them to connect with.
We are going to share common experiences and feelings, but everyone is different and most of us rarely get to share much about this part of ourselves. So if you know someone with this interest, use this guide as a starting point for conversation. Ask them questions. (TODO: more here)
While many people naturally associate spanking with childhood punishment, this site is about our understanding of ourselves, our connection with loved ones, and consensual acts among adults. The authors unequivocally oppose non-consensual spanking in all forms, especially towards children.
(TODO: more about what we're actually talking about)
What it was like growing up
A lot of us were obsessed with spanking really early. Many of us remember thinking about it a lot even by the time we were around five years old.
It played out many different ways. We might spank our stuffed animals. We might play house with our friends and contrive a scene in which someone would need to be punished. We might propose penalties as part of otherwise normal games.
Sometimes the effects were more subtle. Maybe we'd see a cartoon character getting spanked and we couldn't look away. We would become flustered if we learned about a friend being spanked. An astoundingly common youthful behavior was to look up "spank" in the dictionary.
As we developed more social awareness, many of us realized that others didn't feel the same way about spanking as we did. We would think about it all the time, but we believed it would be weird to talk about it, so we kept it to ourselves. For a lot of us it felt like a shameful secret that no one would understand.
What it's like as an adult
People have different ways of handling this interest in their adult lives. Some introduce it into their sex lives, though many have reported that it's difficult with a partner who doesn't approach it the same way as we do. Some specifically seek out partners who share the interest. On the other hand, some people remain shy about it and avoid disclosing their fascination to anybody. Lots of us have trouble even saying the word "spank" because it's so emotionally charged.
There are very few examples of people like us in our culture. If adult spanking is mentioned at all in mass media, it tends to be played for laughs, hypersexualized, or linked to the darker imagery of BDSM. There are vanishingly few examples of characters or celebrities who are sincere and direct about spanking being important to them.
This lack of representation makes it challenging to talk about this even with very open-minded people. Coming out has been made easier for people of many sexualities because there are vastly more positive representations in the media now than there were twenty years ago. But this deep spanking interest remains unrepresented. That means that for us, coming out requires greater explanation. We need to share what it means, clarify what it doesn't mean, and try to articulate why it's so important.
Is it sexual?
It's complicated.
Generally speaking, for those of us who have been curious about this since an early age, we weren't thinking about it sexually. We weren't thinking about sex at all at that age.
As adults, it's still common for us to reject any hint of sexuality in our conception of what a spanking is. We associate it with punishment. If it's satisfying, it's supposed to be because the punishment motivates us to do better or eases our guilt. With this mindset, sexual pleasure from spanking implies ulterior motives. It makes the event feel inauthentic.
However, reality is more nuanced. Many of us do experience a sexual response to spanking. Some people want their sexual activity to always include spanking. Some people crave the experience of spanking, but have no interest in conventional sexual activity. Others want both spanking and conventional sex and don't require those to coincide. Some are even content to enjoy thinking about spanking without needing to participate in it.
While by no means universal, a lot of us resist the sentiment that spanking is clearly sexual. There may be truth to it, but it oversimplifies to the point that it diminishes our needs and experiences.
Sometimes this is described this as a fetish, but for many of us that term feels inaccurate, or at least misleading. It emphasizes the sexual component at the expense of the non-sexual emotions and scenarios with which we more strongly identify.
Questions you may ask
If someone you care about has shared this site with you, we encourage you to ask them questions. We are often scared to bring up the subject even with people who say they're OK with it. Asking questions helps communicate your comfort and acceptance, and it cements your position as a safe person to share our whole selves with.
If you're looking for a place to start, here are some ideas for what you might ask.
- TODO
Additional Resources
Jillian Keenan has composed resources on this topic for mainstream audiences.
- Finding the Courage to Reveal a Fetish, New York Times, Nov. 11, 2012.
- Something To Tell You, a video to help spanking enthusiasts come out to their loved ones.